


in his eyes, i see the universe

by appettence



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alpha Centauri - Freeform, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Crowley as Raphael, Happy Ending, Holy war, M/M, Pre-Fall (Good Omens), mild angst anyways
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-03
Updated: 2019-07-03
Packaged: 2020-06-03 14:37:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19466062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/appettence/pseuds/appettence
Summary: Before the fall, Crowley was known as Raphael, one of God’s most beautiful children.After the fall, he doesn’t know who he’s supposed to be anymore.Apparently, neither does Aziraphale.





	in his eyes, i see the universe

The Holy War was spoken about very rarely, and only ever referred to as “the fall.” Demons spoke of it with either remorse or pride, and Angels only spoke of it as if it was a war they were destined to win. 

(They were, of course, meant to win, thanks to the ineffable plan. Humanity could not exist and reach its full potential without temptation. Good could not exist without evil. But, of course, the Angels shouldn’t have a big head about it.) 

Yet, no one ever spoke of how bloody it was. How one second the lower ranked angels were preparing the garden for the new humans, while the higher ranked angels prepared the rest of the universe, then the next second an entire war broke out at what felt like the drop of a pen. Angels were forced to chose a side, abandon their friends, and some even watched their friends die. Wings were bloodied and scarred, and grace was ripped from their beings as heaven reigned superior. 

In the end, everyone on Lucifer’s side was damned. Every detail of their angel life was taken from them, from the white of their wings to their golden detail, which served as something of a “badge of honor” for the great angel soldiers. Instead of clean and glowing, they were given dark and dirty. Golden details were replaced with grotesque creations, to completely separate them from the idea that they could be human _or_ angel. 

Crowley, if you can believe it, was one of God’s favorite children before the fall. His name was Raphael, and he was admired in every corner of heaven. He had gorgeous long brown hair that always looked like there was a small breeze flowing through it, and his golden detail was his wings, each feather decorated with shiny gold like something out of a story book. 

But perhaps the most important detail was his eyes. 

There are no words in the human, english dictionary that could easily describe Raphael’s eyes. They were exactly as they were meant to be: holy, a creation formed by God herself, and humanity has never been able to truly grasp the idea of holy creations. 

The easiest way to describe them would be everything beautiful and everything beautifully tragic all at once, captured behind perfectly curled eyelashes. They were a tsunami, rushing through an ecosystem and wiping it out completely, only to create a new land that thrives and prospers more than the last and creates a better home for everything there. They were a rain after a long drought, people opening their windows and doors to watch the sky cry and being relieved at the sight of it. They were the exact galaxy that Raphael had helped create, each star and each planet and each eventual death that they would face, exploding into a million bright particles while the humans everyone was planning for continued their lives and had no idea that a million funerals took place above their heads. 

Everyone knew Raphael either by rumor of his beautiful eyes and wings, or knew him personally, though he didn’t talk to many. He was the creator of stars, of all the colors in the galaxy, and his reputation was among one of the greatest. Even Gabriel once bowed his head in his presence. 

Now, all of that was in the past. Blind sighted by his perfect universe suddenly being used as a battleground, he mistakingly chose the wrong side. Lucifer, drunk and angry, convinced him something was deeply wrong and his foolishness cost him everything. 

Luckily, he doesn’t remember much of the initial battle. He remembers looks of shock, screams and shouts of damnation, some nameless face begging for his wings back on the ground, and then the feeling of his own wings burning as the once beautiful gold was replaced with stark black. Everything else was a blur that happened far too fast. 

Lucifer’s side woke up in hell, confused and sore, feeling as if suddenly they didn’t belong in the bodies they were in. Everything felt different, heavier, right down to their fingertips. The screams began pretty quickly as everyone realized what damnation- what _falling_ \- truly was. Their identities had changed completely, even the memories of their names. Raphael had suddenly been wiped from his mind and replaced with Crawley. He knew nothing of angel, but everything of demon and snake, yet everyone’s memories of heaven was the same. Crawley remembered he was the creator of the galaxy; the one who created every other life form away from earth and the destined destructive nature of humans and gave them a suitable home. He remembered his hair, and his wings. He remembered his eyes. He remembered his old friends. And his sole ached for all of those things, but he couldn’t fully understand why. 

Everyone screamed or gloated in reaction to their new damned identities. Crawley felt heavy and disgusted with himself, and the most he could do was crawl over to a nearby puddle and peer over at his reflection. 

His eyes were the first thing that he noticed. What once was beautiful and known by legend in every part of heaven had now been replaced with reptile eyes, colored an ugly yellow with black slits down the middle. He felt horrified, and sick, and every other bad feeling that had been created. 

He felt like a monster. 

The man who once used to be one of god’s favorite children, who held unimaginable power simply behind his eyes, drew his legs to his chest and sobbed silently. The tears that streamed from his new eyes disgusted him even more. 

Hell began to form around him as the newfound demons found strength in their new identities and in number, while they vowed to get revenge on heaven for all of eternity by creating evil where there was meant to be good. And while hell began to form, so did Crawley’s hatred for this new being he was meant to be. He wasn’t evil. He wasn’t meant to be damned. He was an inconvenience at best, which is why he preferred the stars. 

He wished he could remember more of who he used to be. What his name had been (Crawley absolutely did not feel right), what it felt like to be holy. What holy felt like. 

He glanced down at his reflection again, frowning as he focused on the glare of light that made his now red hair look blonde. Then just as suddenly as he fell, he remembered. 

_Aziraphale_. 

The only other angel who he had truly liked, with beautiful blonde hair and a soft smile to match. His chest ached more, and his soft sob turned into a heavy, breathless cry. After humanity was created, Crawley and Aziraphale were meant to retire on Alpha Centauri, where Crawley had placed a cozy house on one star and Aziraphale had placed a sweet little garden on the one next to it. This star would never die like the others, and they would always rotate next to each other as a permanent home for what once was a perfect pair of angels. 

Now, they were mortal enemies, created simply to not get along. 

Aziraphale was considered a lower ranked angel, who was trusted with preparing the garden for the new humans. They were simply meant to place the nature and animals that God and the other angels had already created to make a suitable home for the humans, but Aziraphale wasn’t like that. He put immense detail into everything he placed, and whenever no one was looking, he would even change details of the different plants and such. He wanted to see everything grow to it’s best potential and if that meant a little deviancy, then so be it. 

Crawley and Aziraphale met whenever Crawley was passing time and visited the garden, only to catch Aziraphale painting a different pattern on a little patch of flowers. He’d scared him, and the smaller angel began apologizing immediately, only for Crawley to laugh and tell him he could do whatever he felt he needed to do. 

Details of who he used to be slipped further and further away from himself, but every memory he had of Aziraphale remained so clear it was almost as if he was watching it unfold in front of him. He’d nicknamed him “angel” despite Aziraphale’s argument that Crawley was an angel too, and Crawley would just shake his head and laugh and say he was _extra_ angel. Aziraphale loved everything living, and was willing to break any rule necessary to see them live, even if most people didn’t find the appeal in them. He was determined to show Crawley the good in everything, so determined that sometimes Crawley would just agree with him to make him happy. 

They never really admitted that they enjoyed each other’s company, not even once, or in secret metaphors, but each time the other would show up to talk to the other it was like the sky got a little bit brighter. 

Crawley may have once been known for his beauty, but in his eyes, Aziraphale outdid him by millions. He held so much love for everything, something that Crawley could never do. 

He wondered vaguely if Aziraphale had a nickname for him, or what his name was at all. Most importantly, he wondered if Aziraphale would recognize him at all. 

He wasn’t even sure if he wanted to face Aziraphale now. His famed beauty had been ripped from him and everything that had once been full of light and had glowed was replaced with black and red. 

He hated himself. He hated himself because of the way he looked, and the mistakes he had made, and simply because he didn’t _feel_ like himself. 

Another demon walked up behind Crawley while he sobbed and gently tapped on his shoulder, jumping whenever Crawley turned around and his angry snake eyes peeled back at him. 

“H— Um. Lucifer. He’s holding a meeting for all of the fallen. Everyone has to come.” The black-haired demon mumbled faintly. 

Crawley waved him off. “Yeah, yeah, whatever. I’ll be there.” 

He wiped the tears from his eyes and splashed some water on his face before he stood, taking a breath before he turned and made his way to join the rest of the new demons. 

**Author's Note:**

> two chapters bc i refuse to put breaks in my paragraphs for unknown reasons


End file.
